Acknowledge First

Many times when I hear the kids playing, I can hear phrases and sayings that I tell them.  Sometimes they are bad, and it is usually Ashley that is repeating them.  (Maybe its because I always have to use the bad phrases on her!)  But today it was something good and something that I try to do.

We went to Toy Story 3 in the morning and ended up picking a Jessie doll up in the afternoon.  She was fought over and adored.  She was the doll that the girls were using my phrase on, BUT before I tell you the phrase I have to go back a few years where I learned what a difference it makes.

I was at a soccer game chatting with another mom.  As the game ended her husband came up and yelled, "That is enough talking, COME ON!"  He was probably  upset about something but as they walked off they continued bickering.  Then the very next game, almost the same situation occurred.  Except this time I was talking with a lady whose husband has excellent communication skills.  I have admired them on quite a few occasions.  ANYWAY, once again I was chatting with another mom when Ken came up and said, "I know how you love to talk with Shauna, but I could really use your help right now."  Well of course she excused herself right away and went over helping him with the kids and their stuff.  As I watched them walk away smiling and talking, I couldn't get over the difference.  Maybe it was because both incidents happened within hours of each other.

I analyzed the words Ken used.  He acknowledged what Meredith was doing at the time and validated that she liked to do that.  Then he explained what he needed.   I realized that there are so many times when I just give a command and expect the person to happily stop what they are doing and find what I need them to do, to be of more importance.  I feel however that it is so important to acknowledge and validate whatever one of my kids or someone else is doing so that they know I recognize they are doing something.

SO instead of yelling "Get in the Van! WE have to Go!"  I have tried hard to say, "I know how much you love to color, but we really need to pick up your brother from soccer"  It is AMAZING how much better that works rather than the first command.  It's Ken's phrase, "I know...(whatever they are doing), but I need (the explanation of why you need them to do something different)  It is magic on anyone I tell you!

ANYWAY, back to my original story about my kids picking this up without telling them about it.  Today Ash and Jerrica were taking the new Jessie doll around and were saying, "I know how you want to play with Buzz, but I want you to jump on the trampoline because you can go high"  I did a double take as I heard the phrase and was thrilled that they are learning postivie communication skills,....yeah there are some negative ones that I'm sure they are getting from me as well, but I'm TRYING!