I love the posters in the church magazines, the New Era’s Mormonad and the Friend’s Bright Idea!
As soon as I see them, I rip them out and put them on our fridge. Not only are they awesome reminders but also they serve as conversation there in the kitchen.
So rip those pages out and tack them up. I promise they will do more good on your fridge than in your magazine!
Every day I pick the kids up from school and then quiz them all the way home about their days. Usually it’s a “What was the best/worst part of your day?” I was thinking the other day how boring my constant questions are. THEN I found this list over the weekend, and printed it up. It’s awesome! I now am going to get a whole new slew of answers from these. :)
#1. What was the best thing that happened at school today? (What was the worst thing that happened at school today?)
#2. Tell me something that made you laugh today.
#3. If you could choose who would you like to sit by in class? (Who would you NOT want to sit by in class? Why?)
#4. Where is the coolest place at the school?
#5. Tell me a weird word that you heard today. (Or something weird that someone said.)
#6. If I called your teacher tonight what would she tell me about you?
#7. How did you help somebody today?
#8. How did somebody help you today?
#9. Tell me one thing that you learned today.
#10. When were you the happiest today?
#11. When were you bored today?
#12. If an alien spaceship came to your class and beamed up someone who would you want them to take?
#13. Who would you like to play with at recess that you’ve never played with before?
#14. Tell me something good that happened today.
#15. What word did your teacher say most today?
#16. What do you think you should do/learn more of at school?
#17. What do you think you should do/learn less of at school?
#18. Who in your class do you think you could be nicer to?
#19. Where do you play the most at recess?
#20. Who is the funniest person in your class? Why is he/she so funny?
#21. What was your favorite part of lunch?
#22. If you got to be the teacher tomorrow what would you do?
#23. Is there anyone in your class that needs a time out?
#24. If you could switch seats with anyone in the class who would you trade with? Why?
#25. Tell me about three different times you used your pencil today at school.
The boys have been discussing with us what they want to accomplish in their various sports this season. Nathan wants to be more explosive when he has the ball in his soccer games. He has tremendous footwork and can get past defenders, but then needs to completely explode to the goal. Jacob wants to get his butterfly under a minute. He is only a couple of seconds away, but “seconds away” can be huge sometimes.
After talking and encouraging Nathan last night, I had an idea. In the book, “As a Man Thinketh So is He” it talks about visualizing your goals and dreams. The author shares how “your thoughts become your actions”.
I decided to print up a bunch of signs to hang all over each of their bedrooms and in their bathroom. I even made an extra to put in their locker.
I decided to put Jacob’s sign on their toilet instead of Nathan’s. I don’t need a sign up on the toilet saying, “Explode”. :)
I’m hoping the reminders everywhere will help them to make their goals realities.
I’m thinking that I need to head back to the printer and print ME off some goal reminder signs.
We had a Family Home Evening on communication, and the above picture in now hanging on our fridge as a reminder. I knew it was needed in more ways than one! The kids needed to communicate better with their teachers, friends, coaches and ME! However, the lesson was probably more for me, as is usually the case.
I had a few communication experiments to start the lesson. I had Ashley come in front of everyone and I stood behind her. I then said something that could be taken two ways depending on my tone and body language. I kept my tone the same, but expressed a lot of emotion in my face and hands, which Ashley couldn’t see me doing. The rest of the family knew exactly what I meant because they could see my body language, yet Ashley was clueless that I was mad because she couldn’t see my body language to help her understand me. We then talked about eye contact, hand gestures and facial expressions.
Then I had Rebecca come up for the next example. I told her to say the ABC’s in her mind over and over as I talked. She of course was concentrating on her ABC’s and when I was done had absolutely no clue what I had been saying. I then used this as an example of what happens when others are talking to us and we aren’t concentrating on them, but instead thinking about other things in our head. I expressed the importance of keeping your mind open to the conversation and the other person.
Next, I had Jacob come up. I told him that he had to understand what I was explaining without asking any questions. I was then VERY vague in an explanation of something. Of course he was clueless as to what I was trying to say, and we then discussed the importance of asking questions so that there are no questions.
We then talked about people that can express themselves well, and how they communicate. We all agreed that we love people that compliment and make us feel good.
There are many ways to communicate and we need to always be aware if we are being as effective as we can be.
I finished off the night with a game and treat. We divided the kids into two teams. They had to designate a person to relay the instructions and two to carry them out. We told the two relay leaders a very detailed explanation of where their team’s treats were hidden. They had to remember the details and relay them to their team. Their teammates then ran to find their treats. It was interesting how a few details that were left out created a lapse in getting the treat.
Days after we had this lesson, I would get Nathan’s comments as I would yell for him to do something … “Oh sorry mom, I couldn’t see your body language with that and couldn’t really understand what you wanted” He is such a smart-aleck! :)
LOVED these reminders on this link-
19 Things We should Say to Our Children
Now to remember them, I probably should print me up a cheat sheet.
At any rate, it’s definitely worth a look!
I planted my tomatoes inside the end of February. When I set them outside in April, I had an extra one. I kept it inside with my other seedlings thinking that if one of the plants outside died, I could replace it. Well, none of the plants died. In fact they thrived in their wall of waters. I still kept the extra one with the other starts that hadn’t been set out yet.
This week I finished setting and planting EVERYTHING outside and still had this one little lone plant. I looked at it and couldn’t believe how much different it looked from the others that I had planted by seed at the SAME time.
The plants I set out in the garden were given room to grow. They could stretch their roots as far as they cared. They could have sunlight all day, instead of just when it was shining through the window.
Of course I marched the kids outside to show them the difference. I talked to them about how when we stay in our little, easy world, we can’t really grow and branch out. Our lives are stunted when we don’t stretch and push ourselves. We can grow bigger and be better if we venture out of our sheltered space.
I just can’t believe these plants were started at the same time, and how great the difference is. It makes me step back and look at my life. I want to fill a garden and not just a small container. :)
I have had so many friends ask why my kids do jobs without complaining. I think it all boils down to a rule in our house. We have had it for years now. If you complain at all, you get an additional job. You complain about that, and you get another. Stephen and I have always been very consistent on this.
In the world you can’t complain to a boss about your workload or else you would get replaced by someone who IS willing to do the work. You have to do it to keep your job. You can’t complain to a coach about participating in drills or sprints. That doesn’t show that you are willing to work hard for your team. You can’t complain to a teacher for an assignment or not do the assignment. The teacher would fail you. You have to just DO IT! Complaining does nothing but make the situation worse.
I feel like with the rule we have had in our home, it helps the kids in the real world. Sure they can complain and freak out in their head that they have work to do, but don’t complain out loud to me. Sometimes they will start to say something or give me an upset face, and all I have to do is ask them “if they are wanting an extra job after they are done with the first” and they are VERY quick to say they aren’t complaining at all. They know I will enforce that.
The extra job is usually something easy, but it takes up time that they could have had.
The important rule as with most rules, is consistency.
I went to my mom’s for a few days with all of my girls. When I left I had a couple of friends ask why I was going. Why not?!?!
As I drove home yesterday I was thinking of all the reasons you should take your kids and go home.
We enjoyed our quick trip and really need to do it more! Sure love you mom and dad!
I took a look at the calendar for Saturday and had some serious anxiety.
This is the family calendar that everyone writes on when they have an upcoming event. We had SIX games, a swim meet, dance rehearsal and a Fall social. It was WAYYY busy, but I enjoyed every second of it. I love watching my kids. I love seeing how much they enjoy their activities. I love how different each of them are.
Our apple witches shrunk and DID get scary by the end of October.
A few weeks ago, I cut out a couple of silhouette haunted houses for the little girls to draw characters in the windows and doors. I smiled when I saw Ashley’s in by the Polly Pockets’ houses. It WAS the haunted house as they were playing. There dialogue was cute as they were opening and shutting doors scaring the Polly Pockets that would visit.
I’m going to miss Ashley’s Halloween drawings and her “BOO!”s that she has been making non-stop. I guess it’s turkey drawing time now.
Last week Jerrica and I pulled out the Thanksgiving decorations. It’s Fall decor, but I save it for November to have something new after Halloween. I decided to buy a few Fall flowers for a bouquet. The flowers were half off and I couldn’t resist the pretty colors. I really enjoy flower arranging. There is just something about how each little sprig adds to the finished bouquet.
One more bit of randomness. We had a lesson Sunday on “Being Comfortable, being Uncomfortable”. I keep thinking about what he said. The guest speaker spoke about when we are upset or uncomfortable about a situation, we immediately try to remedy it and try to get back into our comfort zone. However because we are trying to jump out of the “uncomfortable” as fast as we can, we fail to listen to another or learn from the experience because we are too busy trying to make it “right” again. It’s OK to be uncomfortable. Relax, listen and learn.
I always get my mouth going or an email flying to rectify something. I know I need to be patient a little longer. I need to listen a little bit more than I do. I need to show a little more love, even though I’m uncomfortable. It is then that I will grow and BE comfortable.
All of that probably doesn’t make sense because I can’t express myself. AND all of it can be taken out of context, BUT it makes sense to me and I want to remember it THUS I include it here on my blog! :)
Jacob will send me texts. Kaylee sends me the sweetest emails. Nathan is not about to write a note, but will talk nonstop any chance he gets. As soon as he gets in the van to go to a practice he is talking the entire time about every detail of the day. Each of my kids are different in how they communicate.
When I saw this idea HERE on Mama Jenn’s blog, I knew that it was totally Rebecca’s form of communication. The girl is ALWAYS writing in her journal. She also loves to write stories. SOOO I knew this would be a hit with her and it has been. This is the journal we made and SHARE with each other.
Rebecca will date a page and write a note about absolutely anything, and then leave the journal on my pillow. I then can answer her and leave it on her pillow. Sometimes weeks may go by without writing, but something will trigger a thought and the journal comes out. Last Saturday Rebecca had a great game, and I couldn’t resist commenting on parts of the game that stood out to me. Well, then she wanted me to recount a game when I was a little girl and why I remembered it.
Quotes are shared, date nights are planned, and sweet feelings are penned. The book is already a treasure!
A few months ago I read the idea of asking the question, “Does anyone have anything they want mentioned in the prayer?”
We have implemented it, and I’m kicking myself for not doing this years ago. It makes family members aware of each other and their needs. I have seen the kids ask how a test went or how someone feels because they were made aware of it in family prayer. We live in a very self absorbed world, and being able to pray for others, turns our thoughts to others.
Hearing what family members say, also let’s me into their heads of what is troubling them and what they are concerned about to cause them to bring it up at family prayer. Nathan asked the other night if we could still pray for Gian Luc’s family. Rebecca asked to pray for her leg, that I wasn’t even aware of being hurt until she mentioned it.
I just love how this question right before the prayer, personalizes it for our family. It makes us start thinking of each other. Praying for a group means being aware of the needs of the group.
Anyway, just thought I would share….
Do you ever have a conversation with someone and then think, “oh, I wish that I would have said that differently” We don’t usually get a second chance, but we can give our kids one. I loved this last post from Shawni’s blog where she shared this….
“Actually, the very best thing I got reminded of from a comment in that last post is the "start over" tactic my parents used to do. If a child starts acting up or talking disrespectfully we just stop and say "let's start over," and then we do. We start the conversation all over again from the beginning and let the child choose to respond a little bit better. It's a good training tool I wish I'd remember to do more often.”
I think this is such a great idea in helping teach communication skills. I’m excited to use this with my own kids. It’s just three little words “let’s start over”, but they can elicit such a different outcome when the tone and conversation isn’t going where it needs to be.
Anyway, loved it and thought I would share it!
So family came into town because Nathan turned 12 and received the Aaronic Priesthood at church. We are so proud of him and the choices he is making in his life.
Here he is with both sets of grandparents...
He also completed his Faith in God. It is a program in our church that is filled with goals to complete. I am so grateful for programs like this and the goals that make us stretch and reach a little farther than we normally would. I know that by completing goals when you are young, you learn the habit of setting and reaching goals.
Stephen has always been so good about helping the kids set and work on their goals. He does father interviews with each of the kids on the first Sunday of each month. It might not be EVERY month, but I bet he does it at least 8 of the 12, AND has done it since our boys were little.
He has a notebook that he dates and lists each of the kids. The little girls draw and doodle in his notebook as he talks with them. He dates the page and writes a few comments. He may talk to them about keeping their room cleaner and what they can do to accomplish that. He used to have a little outline that he would follow for the interview. The older ones answer questions and set new goals for the month. Steve prints up their goals for them to hang on their bulletin boards.
I think that it is important on some goals to share them with others so that they can encourage and help you achieve them. I hear Steve reminding Rebecca to practice her splits before she goes to bed, or he is reminding someone to read their scriptures so they can get 30 days in a row. I'm grateful for him instilling the importance of goals into our kids. I keep telling him that he needs to do an interview with me and help me with some of my goals. :)
ANYWAY, we are proud of you Nathan for getting your Faith in God!
I LOVED this post today from Becky Higgins, check it out HERE.
She talks about "the purpose of the task is to strengthen the relationship". That is so true, yet is often forgotten. Doing puzzles and crafts with my kids aren't necessarily about doing them, but more about strengthening my relationship with my kids. We are spending time together working on a task. Even dates with Stephen aren't all about critiquing restaurant food or movies, it's about strengthening our relationship. Sometimes I get so caught up in the task I forget what is REALLY more important.
Anyway, read Becky's post. She can express herself better than I.
Story time at the library on Thursday mornings is part of our schedule. Jerrica LOVES books and the library. Last week during story time, the librarian was very interactive with the kids. She started a story about a penguin called, "Straight to the Pole". She asked the kids if they thought the penguin was going to the North Pole or the South Pole. Ashley blurted out, "I don't think he wants to go to either, I think he wants to go to the SWIMMING POLE". Of course all the adults laughed and the librarian went on to explain where the North Pole and South Pole were and what they were like.
I sat there analyzing how she was teaching and how many questions she was asking the children. I know that lecturing is less effective when teaching. You must ask questions to find out if your students are understanding you, and to have them reinforce to themselves what you are teaching by answering questions. Actually, YOU, yourself can learn FROM your student as you discuss, because you are giving them an opportunity to teach. Hands on is even more effective because they are actually doing rather than "hopefully" listening to your lecture. There have been a lot of studies done on this concept. The conclusions are that there is a "deeper understanding" when a discussion or hands on activity is done versus a lecture.
Well, Ash LOVED story time and kept talking about the theme the librarian taught. She enjoyed it because she was allowed to participate both by answering questions and then by doing a simple flannel story.
As I drove home I started thinking about my parenting/teaching to my children. I have a tendency to lecture sometimes, whereas I could step back and discuss, which would be more effective. I need to learn from this librarian - ask more questions when I am teaching AND I need to make it a hands on learning experience when I can. Lecturing can be "blah blah blah" as they start to daydream, it is discussing that enlightens understanding.
We did this FHE a while back and I left the lesson out to share on my blog.
We talked about communication and emphasized the tone that we use in our voices. We discussed how just by changing our tone can cause different responses. I cut the following page out so that each family member had a short phrase that they could say using a nice tone and then a sharp, ugly tone for the same phrase. The kids had fun hamming up their parts and we had a good discussion about how JUST the tone can COMPLETELY change the outcome of a scenario because your tone sets the tone of the conversation.
I then read the following poem -
It’s not so much what you say
As the manner in which you say it;
It’s not so much the language you use
As the tone in which you convey it;
“Come here!” I sharply said,
And the child cowered and wept.
“Come here,” I said –
He looked and smiled
And straight to my lap he crept.
Words may be mild and fair
And the tone may pierce like a dart;
Words may be soft as the summer air
But the tone may break my heart;
For words come from the mind
Grow by study and art –
But tone leaps from the inner self
Revealing the state of the heart.
Whether you know it or not,
Whether you mean or care,
Gentleness, kindness, love, and hate,
Envy, anger, are there.
Then, would you quarrels avoid
And peace and love rejoice?
Keep anger not only out of your words –
Keep it out of your voice.
~Author Unknown
We finished off with a fun communication game where we had to sit back to back with a partner. I know the FHE went over well because we are still using the phrase, "Watch your tone" and "Try a different tone in your voice so that you can get a better response" and the kids know exactly what we are talking about.
Going through a stack of papers and found this. I had originally found it in blogland somewhere and printed it up. Had it on the fridge, and now it found its way into my stack.
Simple yet profound!
My sister Tanya and I have talked about this one quite a few times. I think we had the same professor in college who taught this concept. I never forgot his lecture and rarely use the word "no" with my family. Well, over the weekend a mom approached me after watching me with the little girls and I got into this conversation with her and thought I would share the concept.
"No" is overly used in our society. It is a negative word and brings immediate reproach to it. We hear this one word WAYYY more than any other word in our vocabulary. When our children ask a question to which we quickly reply NO, they then whine and ask WHY not? Shouldn't we just start out with the reasoning since we are going to have to give it in the end. If we start out with the reason, we are on a positive note and aren't immediately negative.
Let me explain with a few examples.
*At a store, and one of the kids are crying for a toy. Instead of the no, No, NO with a scene ensuing, I usually say, "Oh that does look fun maybe we can get that for your birthday". That puts a smile on their face thinking of getting it in the future and gives me an idea of what they are into and liking.
*Just ate breakfast, "Mom can I have a cookie?" Instead of a NO with a fight I just tell them WHEN they can have a cookie. "We just had breakfast. Let's save those for dessert at lunchtime." Immediately it's positive because they are going to get a cookie at some point and don't need to put up a fight to the "No" word.
* They want a friend to come over. Instead of NO not today, just do the reason why, without the No. "We have soccer practice today and will be really busy can we do it ...." or just whatever your reason of saying no is.
*Say they want to do something that is dangerous or not a good idea to do. Once again as soon as you say no, they become very defensive. So instead of starting out telling them no, I start out by giving them my reasoning of why I feel they shouldn't do it. "We shouldn't do that because (whatever could happen or whatever the danger is) If I am just quick to say NO NO we don't do that, they will never really understand why they shouldn't, because they weren't given an explanation.
Just by alleviating the immediate negative "NO" you can communicate your view and feelings without putting someone on the defense immediately. I'm really not explaining this as well as my professor, but I hope you get the picture. And by no means am I trying to stand on a soapbox, it just really has worked wonders here for us over the years, and by all the feedback and comments from others watching I think it must work.
SO, don't start out with NO or even use the word, just use your reasoning why you WOULD say no.
