Three years ago today my husband, Stephen had open heart surgery. It was such an emotional rollercoaster for me. I still remember being in the waiting room and taking the calls from the OR. The surgery was long and so they would call me to keep me updated. I remember them telling me that he was on the heart and lung machine, and me just crying. As a nurse I could picture and had seen what that looked like. That meant that his heart was completely stopped and they were working on it. Can you imagine, the one that you love more than anything, with their heart STOPPED?!?! That was hard and it was hard seeing him in pain trying to recover as his chest healed. It was weird adjusting to the new sound of his heart as I would lay by him. I had gotten so used to the old one that I felt like I was laying by a different man because of the new heart beat.
I did learn something that I think about often. During this time I had many family and friends help us. There were those who would call to see which night dinner could be brought over, or just drop by and pick up my kids, or grab laundry to do. I remember Brittany coming to the hospital with dinner for her and I (Stpehen was still NPO). Brittany and I sat there and talked forever. She took me into another world as we laughed about this and that.
Then there were those who would say, “let me know if I can do anything?” I hated that phrase. Like I was really going to call, to let them “know”. Didn’t they already realize that I needed help NOW! If they were going to do something, then just say what can I do, and find something to do. It’s sad to say but many members of my church would use this phrase. They probably meant well, but it’s not just the THOUGHT or OFFERING to help, its the actual ACTION of service that benefits those in need. It was my true friends and non-member friends that would just “DO” the sweet little acts of service.
Anyway, that is what I learned from this hard experience. I try very hard NOT to use “the phrase”, but to ask when I can bring in a meal, or what day I can take your kids.
AND Stephen, I’m sure glad that you are still here with me! I sure love you!
wow! I don't even want to think about the love of my life with his heart stopped.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you had to pull yourself together more than once in the days leading up to the day of his surgery - and I'm sure on that day, as well. I'm glad that he has recovered well.
I appreciate your comments on "the phrase." When my parents seperated and divorsed three years ago, after 38 years of marriage, I heard it a lot. I still hear it. There's nothing that can be done to help get over the emotional pain of the past...but I ran into a friend I hadn't seen for a while at the pet store who told me, "I know that I can't give you a pill to make the pain stop, but I just want to give you a hug to let you know my heart is with you." It's one of the few times I broke down outside of my own home. I still appreciate her action and not just the phrase.
Beautiful post Shauna. YOu uplift me so much and you are such a great person and a wonderful mother. Hopefully with Analise's heart problem I won;t have to go through that. But will remember to do for others instead of just saying.
ReplyDeleteWow, I had no idea that you guys went through that! And I have to agree with you. We need to DO not just ask. Thanks for the reminder.
ReplyDeleteI had no idea...what an ordeal. WOW!!
ReplyDeleteLove the Rebbecca phrase...I miss seeing her.
Also, Can you teach me how to do hair? I LOVE IT!!
Hey my cute friend!!! I SOO remember that day.. It was SOO hard for me to see my Dear Friend Shauna & her hubby in all of that pain. I'm so glad that I was able to come and help make your night a little brighter.. I sure miss you SOOO much... You and Stephen are such GREAT people and have a CUTE family!!!! Love ya!!!! I'm SOO glad Stephen is ALL better now :-)
ReplyDeleteShauna, I can still remember being called out of class & you sobbing over the phone that Stephen would need open heart surgery. What a scarey ordeal for all of us. What would we do without Stephen? We have been so blessed that all turned out great & Stephen is strong & healthy.
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